So you ended the relationship that wasn’t working (or your ex ended it for you), you know this wasn’t a good relationship to begin with, some time has passed by and you still can’t seem to let go. But you really want to have the emotional and spiritual freedom in order to be open to your next relationship. Let’s explore this.
The truth is, nothing will hold you back from attracting new love than unresolved feelings for your ex. And it’s not really about finding someone new quickly, the big issue is that you are still hurting and holding on to your past. So let me share the three possible reasons why you may have hard time letting go.
One, you may still be in love with your ex. It is OK to have feelings for someone you used to be in a close relationship with. They say, if you once loved someone, a part of you will always love them and there is nothing wrong with that. This will not hold you back unless your love for this person is coupled with earning desire to be with them. If this is the case, your only remedy is time. If you still feel like you want to get back together with you ex, even though you know this is not in your highest good, the best thing you can do is take the time away from this person and resist the urge to have any contact with them. However, if it has been more than a year since you broke up and the feelings still persist, something else might be going on.
The other thing that may be happening is you’re still holding on to a limiting belief about yourself and instead of taking responsibility for it, you’re blaming your ex. Whenever you feel resentment or anger at your ex for something you perceive they did to you, you are really blocking yourself not only from love, but from truth as well. Are you mad at him because he broke up with you when you think you should have been the one to end the relationship? Are you blaming him because he was cheating on you or was dishonest with you? Did he hurt your feelings some time ago and you can’t seem to forgive him? If this is the case, I would like to invite you to look at things differently. If this is the case, then your remedy is to really look at the limiting beliefs you have about yourself as a result of what happened. If you still think of yourself as unlovable, worthless, not attractive enough or if you believe that it was somehow your fault the relationship ended, then you actually are the one who is hurting you, not your ex. Forgiveness is your ultimate key in this situation.
The third reason may be that you are simply lonely. You miss the companionship and the intimacy you had when you were in a relationship. And this would naturally cause you to think about the last time you experienced that – the last intimate relationship you had. If that is what’s going on with you, then it is time to get out there and start looking for new love.
If the 3rd reason you can’t get past that last relationship is because you miss the intimacy and companionship you had, how do you end the catch-22 to be able to “get out ther and start looking for new love?”
The catch 22 = you miss your ex, you block the future, you feel lonlier, you miss your ex, repeat.
You write:” The third reason may be that you are simply lonely. You miss the companionship and the intimacy you had when you were in a relationship. And this would naturally cause you to think about the last time you experienced that – the last intimate relationship you had. If that is what’s going on with you, then it is time to get out there and start looking for new love.”
Oh, that’s not a catch 22. I know it feels like it but you are not as helpless as you think. Catch 22 means you have no choice or either choice will get you in trouble. What you talk about here is a vicious cycle. You may still think about your ex because there is no one else in your life right now yet. That’s OK. However, if you use the fact that you’re still thinking about your ex as an excuse not to go out there, then you are in that cycle, do you see how it goes? To answer your question, how do you end the cycle? You start by seeing the big picture. By understanding that what you’re really missing is the companionship and the intimacy, and the fact that this last relationship didn’t work out for a reason. It is OK to still love someone in your past, we all do. Missing companionship or missing the person will not block you from attracting someone new, holding on to someone in your past and thinking about getting back with them, that’s what will sabotage you.
Of course, I am referring to situations where some sufficient time has passed by since you two separated.
Thank you for your comment, Daniyelle.
I am currently going through the first reason. I have broken up with my ex because the person who he is right now is not necessarily the right person for me at the moment. But we went through a lot in our relationship which brought us closer and even though we didn’t get along all the time (we lived together) we still managed well I managed to make things work despite his insecurities and lack of compliance to fully respect me and what I wanted. I honestly felt and still do feel badly because of his current situation but I am and was willing to help him get through it and support him no matter what but he doesn’t want that neither does he love me anymore or as much as I love him and he has made this apparent. Then for about a week and a half straight I had dreams of him messing around with other girls in front of me and it would hurt so badly in the dream and it felt so real. Then afterwards I would still take him back and he would tell me he loved me. This happened repetitively in each dream. So I was confused as to whether I should fully stop all communication with him because we were still associating and he wanted to be friends with me which I just couldn’t do because I love him so much. And now I feel hopeless, desperate, and pathetic; to want and love someone so much knowing that they don’t feel the same way as I do. I thought I made it to a point where I could stop crying seeing it has been almost 3 months but I am crying at this very moment writing this message to you. I do not know what else I could do. NOTHING seems to take my mind off of him. And I literally mean nothing and no one.
I can’t let go of the love that I have for my first boyfriend. It’s been 10 years ago that we broke up. We first meet when I was 17 and he was 24. We dated for almost 4years then I ended it because I felt I was to young and didnt want to settle down(get married). I meet a great guy(who is now my husband) when I was trying to leave my first boyfriend. Long story short my husband and I had dated on and off for the last 10 years(we’ve been married 6 months now). But theres this feeling deep down that I cant let go of my first boyfriend. I feel bad because I cant let go and I know everyone(my husband and my family) knows I still care. My sisters son goes to the same school as my exs daughter so I do see him when I pick my nephew up, which makes it hard. But heres the thing, he wont look at me or if he does its when im not looking. He pulled up next to me and just sat there in his truck like do I say something or ?? Also if I see him at the school inside i’ll say hows it going, he responds but wont look at me. So I do think deep down he still feels the same. Just wondering what advice you could give me to help me cope with this. Thanks so much for your time, Kelley
being lonely is what’s killing me. I’m very lonely, have been for a while, found a man I loved who left me. I’m feeling suicidal
I’m so sorry to hear that, Lorna. I know it can be hard sometimes and feel like things won’t get any better, but they will. Some day, you will feel joy and know that moments of sadness and despair will pass.