Do You Feel Like Men (or Women) Are Not To Be Trusted?

Many of us have hard time with trust.  Yet, it is this inability to trust others is what makes us attract people who aren’t trustworthy.  Learn how you can heal and re-gain your trust in yourself and others from this article.

When you are dating or looking for love, trust is essential.  However, our trust can often be heavily impacted by our past relationship experience.  What’s even worse is that sometimes we even go as far as attaching a stereotype to an entire group of individuals, all due to our fear of trusting others.  When your trust has been heavily affected by someone, it can really impact your dating experience in more than one way.  Some people avoid dating altogether, others attract the wrong kind of people even more.  We may believe that if only we were conscious enough about picking the right, trustworthy individuals, we would be OK.  We think it is all about the other person.  But the truth is, it doesn’t work this way and no one but yourself can help you with your trust issues.

Don’t get me wrong, picking the right person is a lot, but it is not everything.  In fact, if your ability to trust has been affected, your radar for men (or women) is actually broken.  Because what’s really happening with you is that at the moment you are having hard time trusting yourself.  When you don’t trust yourself your body starts attracting people who are not trustworthy.  Your spirit desperately wants you to look within and heal that wounded part of yourself that stops you from experiencing true love.  And unfortunately the only way you can truly heal your trust issues is by falling for the wrong person again.  This is the only way you will have a chance to learn that it is not about them, but about you.  Something deep inside you will be screaming “next time, trust me, your gut feeling!” – a part of you that, I must say, you ignored over and over again.

When you can truly trust yourself and your heart, you know that your heart will never pick anything or anyone who is wrong for you.  And even if the wrong person does show up in your life, trusting yourself and your gut feeling is what will allow you to handle the situation appropriately and walk away.

Sometimes “Friends” Is A Four Letter Word…

Have you ever had someone you tell you “let’s just be friends” when you obviously wanted more? If friendship is typically considered a great thing, then why does it feel so crappy when certain people offer it to us? Find out from this article what is typically meant by the word “friend” in this particular case.

There are only two times you will hear someone tell you “Let’s be friends.” The first time is when your partner ends the romantic relationship with you and the second time when someone you’re dating doesn’t feel comfortable to take this relationship to the next level. Ironically, when you are actually planning on developing a friendship with someone, these words are rarely used. The friendship typically either naturally unfolds or it does not.

So when you are offered friendship instead of relationship, this person is just letting you know that he or she is not ready for a commitment, but kinda likes you and wants to keep you around. Except that, he is not really being direct about it, which is another red flag and a sign of emotional unavailability. Don’t even think about agreeing to stay friends to this person. First of all, he or she could never possibly offer you a real friendship. Second, if you are hoping for something more than just a friendship with this person, you will never get if you agree to be friends and you are setting yourself up for a disappointment. Finally, and most importantly, when you are agreeing for something less than what you want and deserve you are not truly honoring yourself.

If you want to create a healthy loving relationship that’s based on honesty and trust, it is essential that you first learn how to trust yourself. In other words, you have to be honest with yourself and how you feel. Then, what may be even harder, you have to communicate how you feel about this to your partner (or “friend”). Regardless, whether or not you two end up in a relationship, being honest with each other is a good thing to practice because that’s what will bring the right relationship to you. What feels right in your heart has to be more important than what this other person may think of you.

Why Is It Important To Keep Dating Even If You Don’t Feel Like It?

During one of my intial coaching consultation, a client told me something I found quite peculiar.  She said “I don’t want to date anyone, I just want to understand why am I attracted to unavailable men.”  Well, the truth is, you are attracted to unavailable men because you are refusing to date.  It’s like saying “I don’t want to eat any food, I just want to understand why am I so hungry all the time.”

Seriously, if you think about it, when you want to be in an intimate relationship and keep compulsively denying yourself this desire, by not doing the work that it takes, what do you think is going to happen?  You will have a tendency to settle for anyone who is around.  You may get lucky enough if this person just happens to be available and interested, but what if it is a married man who just wants to full around.  If he is nice enough, attractive enough and gives you enough attention, you may just fall for him simply because you are starving for thise sorts of things.

Think about it, are you really happy by yourself?  Do you have everything you need? And if the answer is “Yes,” then good for you. But what if you are lying to yourself and hiding in your isolation? How is serving you? Don’t you feel lonely sometimes and wish you could share your life with the right person, someone you love? Ask yourself this question, do you really want to be in a committed relationship? It’s OK if you don’t, but it is important to be honest with yourself.

I understand, we all try to be independent and self-sufficient.  In a way, our society discourages you to openly admit that you are lonely and want to be with someone.  We hear messages like, “you will find love when you stop looking,” and misunderstand them, thinking that maybe if we wanted to be with someone less, we would have greater chance of finding this someone.  So we try to talk ourselves out of dating.  This method, actually doesn’t work. 

It is a lot more attractive to be vulnerable and admit it that you actually are looking for someone and that you want to be in a relationship.  And yes, that means you may need to go out there and date a few people.  Most of them will not be the right fit for you, but it is that one who will end up your ideal match, is what’s worth taking all the risk.

Why Do The Ones We Find Most Attractive Are Typically Married (Or In A Relationship)?

I remember when I was single I was really frustrated with the fact that almost every time I met a guy I liked, ended up already being in a relationship. Petrified by scarcity, I felt all the good ones were already taken. What else could explain this phenomena? Ladies, can you relate to this? Well read on and I will explain why this is happening.

Before I get any further into explaining my theory, let me reassure you, looks have nothing to do with one’s relationship status and not all the good ones are taken. There are plenty of great single guys out there for you, so you can relax now. All you have to do is just try a little bit harder to see them. Yes, single people, especially the ones who genuinely wish to be in a serious relationship, have a tendency to hide more so you don’t see them as much. For those who wish to be in a relationship, being single can feel a bit vulnerable and uncomfortable, which would typically make the person appear less confident. As we all know, confidence is the most attractive quality a person can have, man or woman.

In general, people who are in a happy committed relationship don’t think about dating and they are not looking to hook up with anyone. (it wouldn’t be a good sign if they did) Therefore, it is typically easier for them to flirt, since there is no agenda, they come across more natural and more confident. This is what makes them more attractive. Also, when we have an agenda, other people can an energetic pull from us and that can sometimes feel awkward.

So ladies, here is what I suggest. If you are looking for a good guy, don’t fall for the one who can comfortably flirt with you. He may like you or find you attractive (which I understand is flattering) but this doesn’t mean he has serious intentions about you. I am not dismissing the fact that he can be extremely confident, to the point that he can act natural around a woman he really likes and wants to date. All I am saying is, give the nervous and shy guy a chance.

Does Geographical Location Affect Our Dating Experience?

As someone who have lived now in six major cities of the world I would like to share my two cents on dating in different places.  Each time I have relocated to a new city (except for the most recent move) I believed that my dating experience would be different.  It never was. 

I have heard so many times people making comments about how difficult it is to date inLos Angeles.  The truth is, when I lived inSan Francisco, it was even harder.  The difference is, you hear different excuses and explanations why it is so difficult.  But excuses are still excuses.  Let me tell you something: if you are not happy with your love life where you are and if you are thinking about moving somewhere else in hopes that it will change, you are in for a big disappointment.  You cannot really run away from who you are, no matter where you go.  And you can certainly never run away from your own feelings. 

Your love life and your dating experience are direct reflection of how you are feeling on the inside.  If you feel lost and confused, or if your intent is to get away from reality, you will attract people who are in the same boat as you are.  It is not uncommon to feel lonely in anew citywhere you don’t know anybody, so you have to be really careful not to fall for someone inappropriate just because they seem nice enough at first.  

If you have to move to anew cityby yourself, the most loving thing you can do is to get to know yourself.  Believe it or not, new cities are perfect for that.  As you get to know the city, the feel of it, the vibes of the new neighborhood, you are actually out on a date with the city.  New cities are perfect for taking yourself out on a date.  As you get to know this new restaurant, museum, park or club, you are actually getting to know yourself, who you are and what you like.  Taking this approach can actually create quite an exciting experience.

 

 

Don’t Ever Settle For Anything Less Than What You Deserve!

You deserve to be with a loving partner who loves, respects, values and treats you the way you want to be treated. Do you truly believe this statement when you hear it? Do you really think it is possible for you to attract this kind of partner? The truth is, it is possible, but if you keep settling for less than what you deserve, you will never really know what is possible for you.

Seems like an obvious fact, yet so many of us fall into this trap over and over again without even realizing how much we are actually limiting ourselves. Due to a very common and quite untrue belief that all the good ones are taken, we settle for someone who is unkind and treats us with disrespect just because we find him or her extremely attractive. Or we go for someone with low self-esteem because we believe that a confident person would never give us a time of day. Most commonly, we pick someone we see as a “fixer-upper” — not quite a great catch yet, but if we work hard enough, we believe we can change him or shape him into becoming our ideal guy.

How about looking at it from a different perspective, imagine if you can have it all! What if you can attract all the qualities you admire, plus everything you find attractive all in one person! And imagine that this person is also interested in being with you and wants to commit to you! How does that feel? Is this too much to ask for? Is it unrealistic? Not at all! In fact, it is quite possible if only you believe in it. We are so afraid of being unreasonable or have high standards that we actually make our standards too low. And then, when we end up meeting someone who fits our “lowered standards” we don’t quite feel the spark and then end up blaming ourselves for having high expectations and lowering them even more.

As much as it may feel great to fantasize about being with your ideal partner, it may actually feel uncomfortable to experience it for real at first. But this is the kind of discomfort I would like to challenge you to go through. Don’t question yourself if it is what you deserve, you are worth it. You don’t have to prove anything to anybody and you do not have to earn your way to love and to be loved. You already are.

What Does It Take To Attract A Partner Who Will Be Willing To Commit To You?

Let’s face it, we all want to be in a relationship with someone who is not only attractive to us on all levels but who is willing to commit to us full heartedly. Unfortunately, for many of us we have experienced plenty of either one or the other but not both. Learn from this article exactly what it take to attract someone amazing, irresistible and willing to commit to you.

Too many of us have experienced being attracted to emotionally unavailable people. We know how painful and frustrating it is to try to convince someone who would not fully commit to a relationship with us. Yet, we see other amazing couples out there who form true partnerships we could only dream of. Why is it that it happens to them but not to us? What is it that they’re doing? What does she have that I don’t? What is wrong with me that I cannot attract someone who would love me and be there for me?  The truth is, there is nothing wrong with you. You know it deep in your heart that you are a loving wonderful amazing human being with a unique gift. But the truth is there is something you are not doing. You are not making a commitment to yourself.

I know this may sound vague, you may want to argue or you may say that you are committed, but deep in your sub-consciousness there may be a whole different picture happening. You see, those people you know who met in college and have been married to each other for ten, twenty or even more years, made that commitment long time ago without even being aware of it. They have no idea why you are struggling and they don’t understand what you’re going through. They met someone, they fell in love and they made a commitment to each other and that was that.

Let me tell you what my definition of commitment is.  Commitment is a choice you make to follow your heart no matter what.  And you have to be able to commit to yourself first and foremost before you can commit to anybody else or attract the person who is willing to commit to you. There is a big difference between committing and settling. You settle based on logic and fear. You commit in the face of fear, sometimes even in spite of logic. You make a decision because your heart tells you this feels right. There may be a whole bunch of “buts” coming up for you.  “But she is so sexy!” “But he makes so much money.”  “I could never find anyone better who would want to be with me so I might as well just go for it.”  If you think you are madly in love with this man and you have to wait for days or even weeks for him to call you, you are not committing to this person because deep in your heart you know that his heart is not in you. Deep in your heart you don’t trust him and your heart is most likely telling you to let him go, therefore by the definition of the word commitment you are not committed.

Beyond Fear of Intimacy: How to Attract a Remarkable Relationship That Will Change Your Life Forever!

I truly believe that fear of intimacy is the biggest obstacle that prevents us all from fully experiencing love and to be loved.  That is true for everyone, regardless of whether you are single or in a relationship.  When you are single, however, you also have this burning desire to be intimate with another human being because the void you feel inside is much deeper.  So you find a way to fill this void by getting into affairs and flings, because fear of intimacy keeps you from getting into a full blown committed relationship.

That’s why I put together this special presentation for single men and women who want to be in a committed relationship but have hard time finding the right person.  If you were single for a long time (more than a year) in spite of your desire to be in a relationship or if you keep attracting the wrong people over and over again, than this webinar will definitely help you a lot.

Read about it more here

Desiree Doubrox Interviews Katherine Bouglai 06/29 by An Empowered Woman | Blog Talk Radio

Listen to my interview with Desiree Doubrox from An Empowered Woman blog talk radio show

Desiree Doubrox Interviews Katherine Bouglai 06/29 by An Empowered Woman | Blog Talk Radio.

Why Would A Man Commit To One Woman After Telling Another He’s “Not Ready?”

So you have been dating a guy or trying to have a relationship with a man who appears to be a classic commitment-phob.  Because you have feelings for him you stick around until the very last drop of hope that he may change is gone.  Then you finally decide that a man like him will never commit and move on…  Only to find out a few months later he is engaged to another woman.

Did this ever happen to you?  It did to me.  I had a crush on a friend of mine who kept telling me repeatedly, “I don’t want to be in a relationship and I will never get married again!”  Three months later he meets a woman from Australia and marries her practically within a month!  Naturally, a typical thing for a woman would be to wonder, “Why wouldn’t he commit to me?” “What is it that she has that I don’t?”  “What is wrong with me?”  Ladies, relax, there is nothing wrong with you.  Read this article and find out why this is happening.

Assuming this guy was honest when he told you he was crazy about you and he truly respects you and cares about you.  He was just too afraid to commit to you.  There was something about you that triggered his fear of intimacy and made him realize that he is not ready to give you the kind of relationship you want.  This doesn’t necessarily mean that you did something wrong or that it was your fault.  It just means that you probably challenged him too much in areas where he is not comfortable enough to be challenged.  Most likely, what I think happened with this other woman was that she didn’t challenge him at all.  That’s why being with her felt simpler and not as scary.  Let me use this simple metaphor to describe what I mean.  A person who is afraid of getting into water but wants to swim would most likely pick the safest and the smallest rock to jump off of.

Some people would say that this other woman was the right one for him.  This is not always the case.  Most likely his relationship with her felt a lot less complicated and being with her didn’t trigger his fear of intimacy as much as being with you.  Both men and women chose to commit to a relationship when their desire to be with this person is greater than their fear of commitment.  So what do you do when a man tells you he is not ready to commit to you?  You walk away.  I know this is hard, but it is the only way to attract a loving committed relationship you want and deserve, whether it would be with him or somebody else.